millenial job site violations Trades 

Survey Results: Millennials Prioritize Tool Quality Over Cost

SUMPTERVILLE – According to a Sumpterville Post multiple-choice survey sponsored by Stanley Black and Decker, Millennials are willing to spend mega-bucks to buy quality tools. “When it comes to purchasing tools, quality was the number one concern for the 21 – 38 age group,” said Ron Beston, Editor-in-Chief of the newspaper. “Those responses seemed directly tied to the importance of country… Read More
Jobsite Productivity Down 500%, Instagram to Blame Trades Trends 

Jobsite Productivity Down 2500%, Instagram to Blame

UNITED STATES – Jobsite productivity numbers fell again in the second quarter, dropping 2500% from October 2010 when Instagram officially launched. We interviewed a local Instagram celebrity to see what it’s like to balance trade and Instagram careers. “In order to take full advantage of Instagram’s algorithm, you have to keep your Feed, Stories, and IGTV updated constantly,” said @sanfranframer.… Read More
Fine Woodworking Quality and Number of Tattoos Trades 

Study Finds Correlation Between Fine Woodworking Quality and Number of Tattoos

CHICAGO – A new study published Monday unearthed a direct correlation between fine woodworking quality and the number of tattoos the woodworker has. “We always wondered why the most amazing woodworking projects were always created by the most tattoed woodworkers and carpenters we’ve ever seen. Now, after an exhaustive study into the working lives of more than 1000 makers, craftsman,… Read More
Conduit Bending for 2020 Games Trades 

International Olympic Committee Considers Conduit Bending for 2020 Games

SWITZERLAND – After witnessing the incredible feats of difficulty in making simultaneous compound 90s and offsets in 3/4-inch EMT, the International Olympic Committee is now considering adding conduit bending as an official sport for the 2020 games. “It’s about dang time we got recognized for the incredible work we do,” said Jim Allain, journeyman electrician in Alabama. “There ain’t no… Read More
home depot Pro parking Trades 

Contractor Parking Study Shows 30% of Home Depot Pros Drive Honda Minivans and SUVs

ATLANTA – Following a marked increase in customer complaints, a corporate-ordered contractor parking study showed that 70% of Home Depot Pros do indeed drive Honda minivans and SUVs. “We found that a majority of our Pro Contractors drive a mix of Honda Odysseys, Pilots, and CR-Vs,” said Dr. Even Campbell, parking study commissioner. “We’re not sure what their shopping habits… Read More

Alabama Passes 10x Overtime Pay for College Football Saturdays

TUSCALOOSA – In an attempt to stem the flow of mass absences during critical weekend projects, Alabama has passed a comprehensive new law guaranteeing 10x overtime pay for anyone working on college football Saturdays. “With the football season looming close, we had to do something to prepare for what has historically been a complete shutdown for Saturday construction work,” said… Read More