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Snap-On Ditches Tool Truck Sales Model, Takes Over Vacant Sears Properties

KENOSHA – In a bold move that has investors and speculators scratching their heads, Snap-on has announced it is ditching its tool truck sales model in favor of buying up every vacant Sears storefront.

“As mechanics are wising up to our current sales methods, fewer and fewer are willing to essentially finance their tools over 30 years like they would a house. I guess a $450 8-piece ratcheting screwdriver set that ends up costing more than ten times that amount after financing can be a bit tough to swallow,” said CEO Nicholas Pinchuk. “It’s also hard on mechanics who have to wait several days to a week for tool replacements that only come when the truck rolls around. With Sears properties going for pennies on the dollar, Snap-on can set up physical stores where people can come in to buy tools and get warranty coverage!”

Tool Reporter reached out to Sears for comment but was only able to get them to moan loudly and tell us to “Go away and leave them alone.”

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