WASHINGTON, D.C. – SawStop announced they will fund a new memorial dedicated to those who have lost fingers on table saws. It comes on the heels of what Sawstop executives call an “unreasonable and completely preventable number of table saw injuries” in the first two quarters of 2019.
In a statement released to the press, SawStop declares, “It’s time we stop hiding in the shadows and let victims of such terrible tragedies grieve openly for their loss. It’s time we show the public what these dangerous machines are truly capable of and pass common-sense legislation that could have prevented every one of these lost digits. While the loss of millions of fingers is a statistic, the loss of a single finger is a tragedy for the alert professional or questionably competent DIYer who lost it.”
“I’ve been saying it ever since I designed Sawstop’s flesh detection system—no one should ever have to live under the constant threat of maiming or death from these brutal machines,” said Dr. Stephen Gass, inventor of Sawstop’s famous technology. “Table saws without Sawstop technology are truly horrible, horrible tools.
“By bringing victims, their families, and the public together, we can put an end, finally and firmly, to finger loss and as one tool-loving people say, ‘We will not go quietly into the night! Our fingers will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to work on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate Ten Fingers Day!’”
The Finger Loss Memorial is expected to be unveiled on October 10 at 10:10 AM.
In other news, Dr. Gass is reportedly considering throwing his hat in for the 2024 presidential election where he promises to pass an executive order requiring flesh detection technology in every table saw sold globally.