Milwaukee M18 SafeSpace Radio Filters Out Offensive Speech Products 

Milwaukee M18 SafeSpace Radio Filters Out Offensive Speech

BROOKFIELD – Milwaukee Tool has announced their newest game-changing innovation. The newest M18 charging radio promises to keep the peace with new-to-world SAFESPACE speech filtering technology. In a statement released last Friday, Milwaukee Tool President, Steve Richman said, “The new Milwaukee M18 SAFESPACE radio is a response to worker shortages that will help attract Millennials to the trades. By filtering… Read More
Amazon Deforestation Accelerates with New Husqvarna Battery-Powered Chainsaws Products 

Amazon Deforestation Accelerates with New Husqvarna Battery-Powered Chainsaws

SOMEWHERE IN THE AMAZON – Deforestation of the Amazon forest is reportedly accelerating thanks to the arrival of new, more environmentally-friendly Husqvarna battery-powered chainsaws. “The Amazon forest represents an incredible opportunity for us to get legendary Husqvarna battery-powered chainsaws in the hands of Pros that use them 7 days a week 365 days a year,” said Per Ericson, Senior Vice… Read More
Mad Libs Announces Press Release Edition2 Products 

Mad Libs Announces Press Release Edition

NEW YORK – Citing a level of excitement not seen since the invention of social media, media and PR representatives everywhere are going crazy over the newest Mad Libs Press Release Edition. Originally designed as a game, marketing assistants and junior account executives everywhere are using the new tool to save time while easily generating dozens of press releases. “The… Read More
Bosch Colonoscopy BoreScope Products 

Bosch Colonoscopy A55 Borescope

CHICAGO – Marking the North America Tool Manufacturing Division’s first foray into medical products, Bosch released its new A55 12V colonoscopy borescope this week, allowing doctors to work on the undercarriages of their cars and patients with the same tool brand. “We really felt this was a way Bosch could push into an area never before explored by a traditional… Read More
gender neutral extension cords Products 

Company Launches Gender-Neutral Extension Cords on Kickstarter

SAN FRANCISCO – Tired of having to constantly endure ridicule from their ‘woke’ peers for the use of “male” and “female” to describe extension cord and cable ends, Gender-Bender Cables debuted a line of gender-neutral extension and removable power cords on Kickstarter this week. “These new cords forego traditional labels of male-female terminations and usher in a new era of… Read More
Metabo HT hand tools Products 

Metabo HPT to Launch Metabo HT Hand Tools

BRASELTON – Sensing they hadn’t yet caused enough brand confusion, KKR Investment group has diversified into hand tools with the debut of Metabo HT which will operate as a third separate company under the investment firm next to Metabo and Metabo HPT. “Not to be confused with Metabo or Metabo HPT (which you shouldn’t confuse with Hitachi Power Tools or… Read More
Greenworks 240V Max battery pack Products 

Greenworks Goes All-In with 240V Battery

MOORESVILLE – Realizing there was still one battery voltage they hadn’t yet tried, Greenworks decided to leave everyone behind and introduce a carted 240-volt MAX battery system that ensures no one will ever compete with their dominance over selling more tool voltages to consumers than Baskin Robbins has flavors of ice-cream. “Our new 600-cell system will output the same amount… Read More