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Milwaukee Reaches 1,000th Press Release Milestone – Breaks Internet

BROOKFIELD – Working towards achieving controlling shares in both Newswire and PRWeb, Milwaukee Tool’s marketing department celebrated their 1,000th press release of 2019 this week, topping their previous record of 999 in 2016. Unfortunately, the sheer volume of press releases finally took its toll today, breaking the Internet and sending DNS providers like Cloudflare into a state of emergency.

“Disruptive innovation is more than just providing the best, most cutting-edge tools to our users,” said a representative of Milwaukee Electric Tool Co.’s marketing team, still furiously writing as she dictated her response over a Skype call. “It’s also about filling up press inboxes with so much new product info that no one has time left to cover anything from the competition. Eventually, we’ll create so many new products and press releases that the competition will have no chance to wriggle into our PR space. Unfortunately, we’ve had to lay off 100 product managers and engineers this year just to hire the staff required to write up our new press releases, but that temporary trade-off is well worth it.”

After a 30-second break to cheer their successes and pat the marketing team on the back, Milwaukee got back to work. That includes the PR department who decided to mark the occasion by announcing it with press release 1,001. Cloudflare declined to comment but noted they have strengthened their servers to withstand any further achievements by the company.

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