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Honda Scraps HRR216 Lawn Mower, Targets Civic Next

TORRANCE – With the announcement of Honda’s HRN216 lawn mower series replacing their popular HRR series of residential models, Honda executives are now dead set on replacing the equally popular Honda Civic.

“With Honda Power Equipment’s introduction of the Honda HRN216 series, the entire line gets a massive upgrade from the ground up. It has a brand new engine, more ergonomic controls, and a sleeker look,” said Honda Motor Company President, Takahiro Hachigo. “Inspired by their decision to scrap a mower that they sell 300,000 of every year, we decided to also scrap and replace our best-selling car, the Honda Civic.”

“The new and improved Honda Civic hits both ends of the spectrum. For Millennials, there’s a smart car-sized model and we resurrected the old Geo Metro 3-cylinder engine with even better fuel efficiency and 40 MPH top speed since life is so scary for that generation. For more mature buyers, we’re upping the ante with a supercharged V10 that produces 600 horsepower in our Civic sedan. Using a 30º ramp, it creates enough escape velocity to break Earth’s gravitational pull and get to Mars ahead of NASA.”

Tool Reporter reached out to Honda for comment and was simply told to “buckle your seatbelts!”

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