SACRAMENTO – Citing a threat to increased global warming and outdoor air quality, California is mulling a new set of fines for excessive job site flatulence. “We’ve researched this for a long time and found a direct correlation between rising global temperatures and chili cheese burrito consumption in both Northern and Southern California construction job sites,” cited Abby Lawrence, director of air quality toxicity and respiratory ingress rejection studies. “Given our planet’s rapid decline towards irreversible harm, eliminating job site flatulence is now a top priority for California and we aim to enforce it via preventative measures as well as fines for both willful and accidental violations at the source.”
Using OSHA silica dust regulations as a guideline, California plans to have both firm flatulence job site limits as well as methods for measuring toxicity levels using objective data recording and standards. They also plan a 73% “flatch” tax on foods commonly associated with excessive flatulence, including, but not limited to, tacos, burritos, chimichangas, and all chinese take-out.
The League of Mexican Restaurant Owners and Organization for the Coalition of Chinese Take-Out filed immediate countersuits against the state, citing unfair discrimination & targeting and racially-based discrimination.